Happy Birthday George Michael

May you get totally stoned and have lots and lots of sex on this special day. Oh, and drop some Ecstasy while you're at it.

Hottie of the Week: Quincy

One Year Ago Today ...

Un-Fucking-Believable

My father works at home and has turned the family room into an office. My father hired a new secretary a few days ago. He didn’t involve his old secretary at all in the hiring or interview process. I wasn’t involved in them either. He took care of finding a new secretary all by himself.

The new secretary started yesterday. My father's old secretary and I spent the entire day training her. Her name: Shelly. Shelly doesn’t have a car, so her boyfriend has to drive her to work everyday. Shelly is a chain smoker. Shelly has two front teeth missing. Shelly lives in a trailer park with her 10-year-old daughter, two springer spaniels, and a rabbit named Oreo.

After work, I go straight to my father’s house to help Shelly during the last two hours of her shift. I get there and see my father in the office talking to Shelly.

Shelly is crying.

Shelly is dead drunk.

I take her cellphone and call her boyfriend to come and pick her up. Shelly is fired. Shelly and I go outside and sit on the porch. Shelly’s boyfriend arrives in the pick-up truck. Shelly gets up and falls against the window. Shelly’s boyfriend gets out of the truck and helps her across the street. Shelly’s boyfriend drives away without saying a word to me.

I go back into the house and call 20 people to set up job interviews for the next several days. This time, I’m doing the hiring.

Poll: Does George Michael Scarf?

Do you believe George Michael participates in autoerotic asphyxiation (scarfing), a practice David Carradine has been suspected of doing before his untimely death?
	Yes, definitely. He's reckless and perpetually horny and does this all the time.
	He only does it when Kenny's out of town.
	He tried it once or twice, but that's all.
	No, he's never done it, but is considering it.
	No, he's never done it and would never even consider it.
	What the f---?
View Results

You Go Adam Lambert!

http://www.towleroad.com/2009/06/adam-lambert-im-gay.html

Would Someone Please Explain ...

what Twitter does that Facebook doesn't already do and better?

Eminem Gets Teabagged

I swear, you can’t make this shit up. Eminem, known for his homophobia, gets his comeuppance at the MTV Awards. Karma happens.

Pray for Me

A couple months from now, I could be living on my own in my very own condominium. How is this possible, you say? Well, there’s a special city subsidy program for people on disability like me. I can buy my own government-approved condo with no money down. The place I want is in this very unfashionable neighborhood – a working class enclave with low crime. A lot of Hispanics in the vicinity and I read there are also a lot of Polish immigrants as well. We’ve been communicating very regularly with the developer and the city housing department about that specific condo. And last week I sent in the Home Loan Application to the loan officer at Charter One Bank.

Fingers crossed.

I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up, but I already did. I want this condo sooooooooooooo badly. Badly. It’s small, but that’s all I can afford. I’m sure I’ll get used to it. The building is so well refurbished that from the inside you cannot even tell that you’re in an older building. Brand new modern kitchen with marble countertops and stylish chrome refrigerator and dishwashing machine. I’ve never lived in a place with my own dishwasher! The two bedrooms have plenty of closet space. The bathroom is done in a dark green color scheme with silver metal faucet fixtures – the overall design mirrors the one in the kitchen so there’s continuity. Because it’s a garden apartment, I don’t have to worry about making too much noise with my footsteps. And all the rooms get plenty of light. There’s even a fairly spacious outside storage space for each tenant. Finally, there’s permit parking, but I may not even have to get a permit because from what I can tell, there’s plenty of space for everybody.

The other day I drove to the neighborhood, parked outside the building, and walked my dog around the block. A lot of smallish wooden houses; one of them had a vast array of lawn ornaments in the front. All these plastic and clay figurines of gnomes, deer, bunny rabbits, saints, angels and whatnot. It was so tacky yet charming. They say that once you put a lawn ornament on a piece of property, it depreciates considerably. So I guess this is one neighborhood that won’t be gentrifying anytime soon!

Some Latinos were sitting on their porch and commented that my dog is very cute. I let them pet him. Then I went back into the car and drove around for a couple of hours. I think it’s pretty safe to say that there is absolutely nothing going on in my hopefully-soon-to-be neighborhood! It’s incredible. No Starbucks. No drycleaning place. No Borders Bookstore. No movie theater. No bars or restaurants. But there are a lot of autobody and transmission shops. Go figure. It’s not very scenic, but it’s not going downhill either.

Besides, everything I do really need is only 2 minutes away: Walgreens Pharmacy (for all my psychotropic meds), U.S. Post Office, Bally’s Fitness Club (where I have membership and plan on jogging in), and a really nice, new Jewel supermarket. Oh, and a Blockbuster Video Store and Marshall’s. It’s perfect. There’s even a Shell gas station just down the block. The only negative is that I have to take the #77 bus a couple miles east, then transfer to the Blue line to get downtown every day. And since both points are in the middle of the routes, there’s a good chance I won’t get my own seat like I always do now. But that’s splitting hairs.

I don’t want to talk about it any more because I’m really nervous about getting my loan approved in such a lousy economy. So I’m going to talk to God. I know I should be steeling myself for the possibility that it won’t happen, but I’m not strong enough. Like I said, it’s too late – I already got my hopes up. I’ve already envisioned my life there and how I'll manage from the moment I awake to the moment I lay my head down on the pillow.

Pray for me.