Happy Birthday George Michael

May you get totally stoned and have lots and lots of sex on this special day. Oh, and drop some Ecstasy while you're at it.

Hottie of the Week: Quincy

One Year Ago Today ...

One Year Ago Today

Un-Fucking-Believable

My father works at home and has turned the family room into an office. My father hired a new secretary a few days ago. He didn’t involve his old secretary at all in the hiring or interview process. I wasn’t involved in them either. He took care of finding a new secretary all by himself.

The new secretary started yesterday. My father's old secretary and I spent the entire day training her. Her name: Shelly. Shelly doesn’t have a car, so her boyfriend has to drive her to work everyday. Shelly is a chain smoker. Shelly has two front teeth missing. Shelly lives in a trailer park with her 10-year-old daughter, two springer spaniels, and a rabbit named Oreo.

After work, I go straight to my father’s house to help Shelly during the last two hours of her shift. I get there and see my father in the office talking to Shelly.

Shelly is crying.

Shelly is dead drunk.

I take her cellphone and call her boyfriend to come and pick her up. Shelly is fired. Shelly and I go outside and sit on the porch. Shelly’s boyfriend arrives in the pick-up truck. Shelly gets up and falls against the window. Shelly’s boyfriend gets out of the truck and helps her across the street. Shelly’s boyfriend drives away without saying a word to me.

I go back into the house and call 20 people to set up job interviews for the next several days. This time, I’m doing the hiring.

Poll: Does George Michael Scarf?

Do you believe George Michael participates in autoerotic asphyxiation (scarfing), a practice David Carradine has been suspected of doing before his untimely death?
	Yes, definitely. He's reckless and perpetually horny and does this all the time.
	He only does it when Kenny's out of town.
	He tried it once or twice, but that's all.
	No, he's never done it, but is considering it.
	No, he's never done it and would never even consider it.
	What the f---?
View Results

You Go Adam Lambert!

http://www.towleroad.com/2009/06/adam-lambert-im-gay.html

5 Random Thoughts

1. My next computer is going to be a Mac. I’ve just had it with Windows and their crappy web browser. I’ve come to the conclusion that if we were comparing computer platforms to movie trilogies, then Macs would be LORD OF THE RINGS and PCs would be the crappy STAR WARS prequels.

2. My father’s secretary put in her two weeks notice after my father returned from Florida last Wednesday. Actually, she didn’t even have the decency to do that. She told me she was quitting on Monday, then told my father on Thursday. As far as she’s concerned the two-week clock started on Monday when she told me, not my father. Nice. So now we’re scrambling to find a replacement and probably won’t have one until after she leaves – thus we won’t have her around to train the new person. I am thoroughly annoyed because it’s not like she has a job lined up that she has to go to; she’s merely moving to North Carolina to be with her boyfriend and be taken care of by him. What’s the rush? You would think she would have put in a 4-week notice so that we would have plenty of time to find the best person and have her train him/her. That would have been the classy thing to do.

3. I just bought even more new clothes to cover my fat body. The scary thing is how quickly I’ve learned which clothes are most flattering/hide my figure the best. It would be so easy to just adjust my entire wardrobe rather than lose the weight.

4. So far my job is a little too easy. I spent the entire Friday surfing the Internet (Facebook and Twitter) because my boss was out of the office and there was nothing else to do except wait for the phone to ring to take messages. Half the calls are from clients wanting to know the status of their case. I never have any idea what to tell them and as far as I can tell, my boss never gets back to them. I have the sneaking suspicious that suddenly, one day, he’ll have a million things for me to do and will expect me to learn it all without any proper instruction. Or worse, he will train me on a lot of stuff and I won’t be able to learn it because I’m so out of practice.

5. Watched the Oprah show last night; the topic was budgeting during difficult times with financial guru Suze Orman. I was totally shocked to see how much some of these women were making - $9,000 a month and so on. Fuck. What are they doing that I’m not? How can anyone possibly deserve to make that much? It’s not like any of these women were doctors or brain surgeons or astronauts. And then some of these women’s monthly expenditures were $6,000. Jesus. How can a person spend that much money every month? Sure, there’s the mortgage, utility bills, car payments, insurance, groceries … but still. Suze Orman says you should have savings equal to your 8 months salary for emergencies, as a cushion. I’m living from paycheck to paycheck as it is.

Would Someone Please Explain ...

what Twitter does that Facebook doesn't already do and better?

Eminem Gets Teabagged

I swear, you can’t make this shit up. Eminem, known for his homophobia, gets his comeuppance at the MTV Awards. Karma happens.

Pray for Me

A couple months from now, I could be living on my own in my very own condominium. How is this possible, you say? Well, there’s a special city subsidy program for people on disability like me. I can buy my own government-approved condo with no money down. The place I want is in this very unfashionable neighborhood – a working class enclave with low crime. A lot of Hispanics in the vicinity and I read there are also a lot of Polish immigrants as well. We’ve been communicating very regularly with the developer and the city housing department about that specific condo. And last week I sent in the Home Loan Application to the loan officer at Charter One Bank.

Fingers crossed.

I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up, but I already did. I want this condo sooooooooooooo badly. Badly. It’s small, but that’s all I can afford. I’m sure I’ll get used to it. The building is so well refurbished that from the inside you cannot even tell that you’re in an older building. Brand new modern kitchen with marble countertops and stylish chrome refrigerator and dishwashing machine. I’ve never lived in a place with my own dishwasher! The two bedrooms have plenty of closet space. The bathroom is done in a dark green color scheme with silver metal faucet fixtures – the overall design mirrors the one in the kitchen so there’s continuity. Because it’s a garden apartment, I don’t have to worry about making too much noise with my footsteps. And all the rooms get plenty of light. There’s even a fairly spacious outside storage space for each tenant. Finally, there’s permit parking, but I may not even have to get a permit because from what I can tell, there’s plenty of space for everybody.

The other day I drove to the neighborhood, parked outside the building, and walked my dog around the block. A lot of smallish wooden houses; one of them had a vast array of lawn ornaments in the front. All these plastic and clay figurines of gnomes, deer, bunny rabbits, saints, angels and whatnot. It was so tacky yet charming. They say that once you put a lawn ornament on a piece of property, it depreciates considerably. So I guess this is one neighborhood that won’t be gentrifying anytime soon!

Some Latinos were sitting on their porch and commented that my dog is very cute. I let them pet him. Then I went back into the car and drove around for a couple of hours. I think it’s pretty safe to say that there is absolutely nothing going on in my hopefully-soon-to-be neighborhood! It’s incredible. No Starbucks. No drycleaning place. No Borders Bookstore. No movie theater. No bars or restaurants. But there are a lot of autobody and transmission shops. Go figure. It’s not very scenic, but it’s not going downhill either.

Besides, everything I do really need is only 2 minutes away: Walgreens Pharmacy (for all my psychotropic meds), U.S. Post Office, Bally’s Fitness Club (where I have membership and plan on jogging in), and a really nice, new Jewel supermarket. Oh, and a Blockbuster Video Store and Marshall’s. It’s perfect. There’s even a Shell gas station just down the block. The only negative is that I have to take the #77 bus a couple miles east, then transfer to the Blue line to get downtown every day. And since both points are in the middle of the routes, there’s a good chance I won’t get my own seat like I always do now. But that’s splitting hairs.

I don’t want to talk about it any more because I’m really nervous about getting my loan approved in such a lousy economy. So I’m going to talk to God. I know I should be steeling myself for the possibility that it won’t happen, but I’m not strong enough. Like I said, it’s too late – I already got my hopes up. I’ve already envisioned my life there and how I'll manage from the moment I awake to the moment I lay my head down on the pillow.

Pray for me.